Bereavement of This Total Eclipse

I realised I had never released all four parts of ”Bereavement of This Total Eclipse”, which is probably my favorite among my poems. Here comes. Written 2007-2009.

Part I

My heart is lost between two words in a verse
I try to call for someone to aid me
But my throat is dry,
my lips are chapped
and my tongue is numb
So I am dying in the cold tonight

Fear of the dark is closing unto me
The mountains within me forever still
You said this moment is the sanctuary of my soul
But the sanctuary is too big
for both my body and my soul
So I am dying in the cold tonight

Turning from the crepuscule of the world
Reaching for the opposite hay
Reaching for the white lands of innocence
Reaching for an alternative world
bereavement of this total eclipse you call my life
So I am dying in the cold tonight

Part II

Alone he sits that midnight,
Cold and out of breath.
Alone he travels through his mind,
Holding out his death.

Whenever travelling through his mind,
He sees himself in youth and then
He falls, he fails, he grips again in vain.
Whenever falling through the dark,
He wish he took another path
He runs, he fights and he grips yet again, for life.

Alone he sits that morrow,
Yet filled with demons new-born.
Alone he sits that morrow,
Yet drunk by the power of mourn’.

Whenever he thinks through the lives that he lived,
He descends to another degree.
Fighting, yes struggling, with a power he still,
Fails to unleash.
Whenever he thinks through the wrongs that he made,
He fails to ever see, what he once should have seen:
”Where did I succeed, not making a wrong, where did I ever not fail?
Oh my lord, oh my love, I was back then so vain.
Let my spirit once more touch and burn up thy flame.”

A sudden knock then disturbs his thinking,
Disturbs his train of thought.
A sudden knock make him spark into life,
Climbing for that door.
He opens the door, and gaze at the girl
– This girl that is not there.
He opens the door, and gaze into dark
Knowing the knock was never there.

Alone he sits that midnight,
Cold and out of breath.
Alone he travels through his mind,
Holding out his death.

Part III

A three-part diary of my love
Of my life
Of one single moment in the sun
Have I gone mad?

The total eclipse they called my life
Ended forever
With but one look from my Rose
Where have she gone?

What did I miss?
Was I saved?
Do I long?

So many answers
Answered but with a silent corridor
Where she is not
And has never been

I reached for the opposite hay
But I fell across the fence
Bleeding, freezing, uttering my last words
I was saved.

Not from death
But from eternal cold
And but now I realised how it was never about the cold
It was never about the hay

The crepuscule of this world
This total eclipse is still closing unto me
And it is but now I utter these last words
It is but now I feel for you no more
It is but now I wish

I did not lie
My last words
Are, and always were of you

My rose. 

Emilia.

Closure

It is the end
The fortress has shattered
Into the thousand pieces of me
Into the pathetic glimpse of a hero.

A frozen matchgirl in the snow;
Her portal is closed now.
What god will let her die?
What god won’t see our pain?

What god would let this end?
What god would let us die?
What god would let this solemn era pass?
What god would let our life cease?

I never realised it would come to this
My life, it all ceases
And I see how it is all too late
For a Bereavement of This Total Eclipse.

A kiss
My love
I wish…
But you were never there.

It is cold here.

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