Att älska

Det finns så många jag älskat. Som lärt mig så mycket. Som försvunnit ur mina liv. Det här är det närmsta jag kommer ett tack till er.


Ellen, du lärde mig hur fint det är att vara kär.

Emelie, du lärde mig vad kärlek är. Och att den kan infinna sig även när man har absolut ingenting gemensamt.

4, you taught me that two mentally instable people might be the worst combination there is. That nothing is solved by pain and lying. Uh, and how awesome sex can be.

Alice, du lärde mig vad musik äldre än tio år är. Och att Simon & Garfunkle inte spelar längre.

Stina, du lärde mig att jag faktiskt kan göra skillnad, att jag kan vara någonting mer.

W, du var på väg att lära mig vad 4 lärde mig på nytt. Och jag är så glad att det inte hände.

Cécile, you taught me to think completely differently about life, my place in this world, and monoamory.

Fabian, du lärde mig att leva livet på ett helt nytt sätt. Du lärde mig att jag är värd någonting. Du introducerade mig till BDSM i en tid när jag tappat allt intresse för sex.

Sarah-Lee, du lärde mig att för att hjälpa någon måste man ibland ta ett steg tillbaka. Och ibland ett steg närmare.

Ali, du lärde mig hur en filt kan vara magisk. Du lärde mig vad jag kan göra, och du lärde mig mina begränsningar.

Johanna, du lärde mig att jag inte alltid kan få precis vad jag vill ha. Jag kommer alltid att hata och älska dig lite för det.

Felicia, du har precis börjat lära mig så mycket nytt. Jag kan inte vänta på att få veta vad det är.

Bereavement of This Total Eclipse

I realised I had never released all four parts of ”Bereavement of This Total Eclipse”, which is probably my favorite among my poems. Here comes. Written 2007-2009.

Part I

My heart is lost between two words in a verse
I try to call for someone to aid me
But my throat is dry,
my lips are chapped
and my tongue is numb
So I am dying in the cold tonight

Fear of the dark is closing unto me
The mountains within me forever still
You said this moment is the sanctuary of my soul
But the sanctuary is too big
for both my body and my soul
So I am dying in the cold tonight

Turning from the crepuscule of the world
Reaching for the opposite hay
Reaching for the white lands of innocence
Reaching for an alternative world
bereavement of this total eclipse you call my life
So I am dying in the cold tonight

Part II

Alone he sits that midnight,
Cold and out of breath.
Alone he travels through his mind,
Holding out his death.

Whenever travelling through his mind,
He sees himself in youth and then
He falls, he fails, he grips again in vain.
Whenever falling through the dark,
He wish he took another path
He runs, he fights and he grips yet again, for life.

Alone he sits that morrow,
Yet filled with demons new-born.
Alone he sits that morrow,
Yet drunk by the power of mourn’.

Whenever he thinks through the lives that he lived,
He descends to another degree.
Fighting, yes struggling, with a power he still,
Fails to unleash.
Whenever he thinks through the wrongs that he made,
He fails to ever see, what he once should have seen:
”Where did I succeed, not making a wrong, where did I ever not fail?
Oh my lord, oh my love, I was back then so vain.
Let my spirit once more touch and burn up thy flame.”

A sudden knock then disturbs his thinking,
Disturbs his train of thought.
A sudden knock make him spark into life,
Climbing for that door.
He opens the door, and gaze at the girl
– This girl that is not there.
He opens the door, and gaze into dark
Knowing the knock was never there.

Alone he sits that midnight,
Cold and out of breath.
Alone he travels through his mind,
Holding out his death.

Part III

A three-part diary of my love
Of my life
Of one single moment in the sun
Have I gone mad?

The total eclipse they called my life
Ended forever
With but one look from my Rose
Where have she gone?

What did I miss?
Was I saved?
Do I long?

So many answers
Answered but with a silent corridor
Where she is not
And has never been

I reached for the opposite hay
But I fell across the fence
Bleeding, freezing, uttering my last words
I was saved.

Not from death
But from eternal cold
And but now I realised how it was never about the cold
It was never about the hay

The crepuscule of this world
This total eclipse is still closing unto me
And it is but now I utter these last words
It is but now I feel for you no more
It is but now I wish

I did not lie
My last words
Are, and always were of you

My rose. 



It is the end
The fortress has shattered
Into the thousand pieces of me
Into the pathetic glimpse of a hero.

A frozen matchgirl in the snow;
Her portal is closed now.
What god will let her die?
What god won’t see our pain?

What god would let this end?
What god would let us die?
What god would let this solemn era pass?
What god would let our life cease?

I never realised it would come to this
My life, it all ceases
And I see how it is all too late
For a Bereavement of This Total Eclipse.

A kiss
My love
I wish…
But you were never there.

It is cold here.


Some people are just perfect for their job. Such as Sainsbury’s customer manager Chris King.

Click for bigger picture.

This scan-in of a letter sent from 3-year-old Lily Robinson to the Sainsbury’s support, and their response, is circulating the web. I found it on the Facebook page of Parker Lim, but I haven’t found who was first to upload it.

Film Review: Babel (2006)

”One gunshot is heard across the world” 

Babel (2006) is one of those films I’ve seen a lot of advertising (posters etcetera) for yet knew nothing about. I was going to rent a film with my girlfriend, and finding nothing interesting we simply picked up ”Babel” – it is after all a well-criticized film so it can’t be all bad, can it?


The story of the film handles the events of an American couple on vacation in Morrocco, as a gunshot hits the wife (Susan, played by Cate Blanchett) in her neck. We follow the next five days of panic, as her husband (Richard, played by Brad Pitt) tries to save her life in a small village of the Morroccan desert. There are four main families we follow, in four different parts of the world; the couples Mexican maid Amelia and their two children whom she takes care of during their vacation; the two Morroccan boys who accidentally fires at Susan (”the American tourist”) while practicing shooting in the desert; and Chieko (played by Rinko Kikuchi), a deaf Japanese girl in troubles of fitting in and desperately finding a boyfriend in a world where she can’t understand anyone’s words.The film was really interesting and thrilling through almost the entire film, except some parts that felt like nothing but pathetic fillouts. One of the most interesting parts of watching it was trying to find out how the four families were connected, and it wasn’t until the end that Chieko’s life connected to the rest through her father, a Japanese hunter. The most interesting part was clearly Chieko’s to me, as I easily could understand her; being deaf is much worse in every way than merely not knowing the language; you have no possibility to learn it, and you obviously can’t except everyone to learn sign language.Before watching the film, I had never heard of anyone on the cast except Brad Pitt (playing Richard), a way overrated actor who did a very good job in the 1995 film Se7en, but since hasn’t done anything diversing him from 99 percent of the actors of our world. With this in mind, I can easily say that Babel is one of Brad Pitt’s best performances. I also loved the performance of Rinko Kikuchi (playing Chieko), but after checking her previous roles out I can in sadness say that Babel is an exception.One of the things I’ve heard of the film on forehand was the ”amazing” music, that actually – I’m sorry – sucked. Where did all the great, original film music go? Films used to be filled with great music! Just look at the 20th century up to 1980 or so. There are only a few good film composers left (who on the other hand are really great), for example Hans Zimmer and Alan Silvestri.I would call Babel a really overrated film, not deserving much of its positive critisism, but it’s still a nice film and I just couldn’t turn it off in the middle, simply because the ending was so unpredictable.


five stars

Quote of the Day #4

<Me> ”I ordered something without meat as well as fish, and I get fried mozarella with – as I realise after eating it for five minutes – included fish and ham.
”Why does it matter? There’s almost no fish and almost no ham.”
<Me> ”I eat NO fish and NO ham. I’m a vegetarian, damn you!”
”…yes, I just don’t eat meat.”
<Cook> ”…oh my god. Will you survive?”

Stupidity on the highest level at dinner in Hotel Tiffany, Rimini.